I do not know how to love; I only know how to heal

I have been wondering what I am doing wrong in this life of mine and whether I am meant to be alone the rest of my life or what the heck the plan is.

That's when I realized that I don't actually know how to love, I only know how to heal; how to rebuild and keep moving. The one and only relationship I was in lasted nearly two years and at the time I thought I was in love. When it comes down to it though, I failed at love. That sounds very depressing I know but it's true and what kind of person would I be if I was glorifying it? The relationship did not end in success so therefore I consider it unsuccessful. I failed at love. The one time I had a chance to love, I did not succeed so ultimately I don't really even know how to love in that aspect.

I lost at love and I learned to heal. When I think of that in many different situations during my lifetime it all seems to make sense. I have failed at friendships and healed from the loss. I have failed at love and healed from the loss. I have failed A LOT at A LOT of things and taught myself how to come back from it stronger than before. I heal on my own time and in my own ways and I have gotten really good at it. The amount of healing outweighs the amount of actual loving I have practiced.

So I am deciding that at this point in time I do not know how to love, I only know how to heal. I will continue to heal and grow every single day because it is making me a better person and maybe eventually I will get another chance or so at learning how to love. I'm sure I am capable, but it's difficult to determine when you enter a potential relationship figuring out ways to avoid the most pain and healing. I go into it thinking about how I will move past it once is done and over with. If anyone has any advice on how to change that train of thought please shoot them this way... until then I will just continue to heal and grow and hope love gives me another chance somewhere.

xo McKenzie - My Darling Catastrophe

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