To the Best Friend Who Left

You and I were two peas in a pod - there was no doubt about it. We came into college as "those" roommates who everyone told not to room together because they swore it would ruin our friendship. We swore we would prove them wrong. You were my best friend, for YEARS. I knew everything about you, just as you knew everything about me. In high school we were inseparable and figured it would be the best idea for us to room with each other in the dorms. We were already around each other constantly so it should be okay, right?

When you live with someone you see things very differently. You see how they are constantly, how they live, and how they truly act. All of which can either make or break you; and in our case, sadly, we allowed it to break us. For awhile though it worked and things seemed to go smoothly and as good as they possibly could but it was always different. At first you couldn't tell if it was a bad difference or a good one but we found out soon enough. I'm not going to lie, I learned many things about you that I did not enjoy being around and there were times when I knew it would not work, but I tried very hard to make it work because that is the kind of person I am. So when you announced you no longer wanted to be my friend? In that moment, yea it hurt. It hurt a lot. But as I left the dorm to clear my mind, I came to the realization that I didn't want it any longer either and I felt as if the weight had finally been lifted off of my shoulders. I no longer had to try to accept the way you were just to make things work.

That is where we were different. I am used to people walking out of my life, whereas you are used to being the one who walks out. I am the type to work on something as hard as I can before I give up, but you are the type throw in the towel and move on at once to prevent any further pain. Which is true; the longer you hold on, the harder it is- but I will always try to hold onto things as long as possible no matter what kind of pain it brings. And I am not saying that the way I think and choose to live is the correct way, but I am also not saying it is wrong. The way we both choose to see things and go about our lives is perfectly o.k. and we can accept the fact that in that aspect we are polar opposites. We can accept the fact that the one thing that we didn't agree on was what drove us apart.

I decided awhile ago that I do not want to hate people. I do not want to dwell on the little things that I could just as easily move past. So, I want to thank you for teaching me how to move on when people walk out of my life. Thank you for helping  me see the things I truly enjoy in people. Thank you for making me realize my own weaknesses - that I now work on every single day - just as I would hope you realize yours. Thank you for teaching me (indirectly) how to take responsibility but also helping me realize when my opinion DOES matter and when I shouldn't back down. I am very sorry you did not enjoy the kind of person I am and I am very sorry that I couldn't enjoy the kind of person you were either.

I still care about you. I care about your health and your well being. I care about how you are doing in life and if you are accomplishing all the things you were wishing for. I hope you aren't letting boys break your heart and I hope you are being the absolute best version of yourself. I care because it is something I became accustomed to. So I will always hope for the best for you, even if being apart was the best decision for both of us. Here's to you and to what used to be!

xo McKenzie - My Darling Catastrophe

No comments:

Post a Comment