To the Ones Who Portrayed me as the Crazy One


-( In honor of all you crazy ones )-

Hey you,

Remember me? Remember all of the good things we had going between us that made us feel like it was us against the world and we couldn't be stopped? You remember that? I hope you do because I have had a hard time remembering those good things. I have a hard time remembering smiles, laughter, and love. I have a hard time remembering anything good about you at all. That's the funny thing about people who are very important to you, you either remember all of the best parts of the relationship or better yet, the worst. At this point in my life I only see what you did to me; how you acted toward me, how you talked about me, and how you flipped my life completely upside down. I do not see the good, in any way shape or form. But do you want to know what haunts me the most, to this day, every single day? How incredibly bat shit/pull my hair out crazy you made me look and how I actually started to believe you. You not only ruined our relationship, but you ruined my relationship with many other people who believed what you said. All of the same people who never even did ask for my side of the story.

Let me cut back to the good parts real quick.. The parts where you made me want to melt in a puddle of lovey dovey goo because you told me I looked pretty today. The times when you would reach over and grab my thigh as we were driving to go out to dinner. When you would send me long and thoughtful text messages, or cry in front of me because you didn't want to lose me. When we would spend every possible moment together and you would tell me how good I looked in sweatpants and without makeup on. The parts where you would walk next to me and hold my hand, which was a rare occurrence. But most importantly, the way you would tell me you loved me and make me believe it with everything I had.

But with the compliments came the attacks toward who I was as a person. Who I actually am was never good enough, and with that came a girl with no confidence or belief in herself. With the sweet messages came the cold and distant ones.. for days on end. With the tears of love came the tears of apologies for what you were about to do to my life. With the compliments about my bare face and with the physical gestures came the realization that in that same moment you were keeping me far away from any friends. And with the way you told me you loved me, came the way you told everyone else you hated me.



But I am crazy. I am the crazy one who would bend over backwards to make sure you would stay happy for more than three hours. I am the crazy one who did countless things to be here for you or support you in EVERYTHING and not get a second of it in return. I am the crazy one who "made up" what happened between us, because that's something so logical to make up. I am the crazy one who was trying to move forward with everything I had but kept getting drug down and accused of things that never happened. I am the crazy one who actually believed I was doing something wrong. I am the crazy one who actually started questioning my own sanity because you were making me think I was truly in the wrong. And you know what? As I am typing this, recalling every event, I laugh because at first I thought my life was over because you had ended things, but what I now realize is that my life was over because you chose to portray me in the worst way possible. My life was over because I was FORCED to completely change myself and social life because no one believed in me anymore. That does not make me crazy, that makes YOU weak and that makes YOU a coward. 


And now the only good things I remember are getting away from everything that had to do with you, and everything and everyone who ever dragged me down to their cowardly level. That is the best choice I have ever made for myself and without your toxic actions, my life is gleaming with hope and happiness.
Thank you for making me one of the strongest women anyone will probably ever meet.

xo McKenzie - My Darling Catastrophe

2 comments:

  1. Terrific post! I can relate more than you can imagine. Thank you for your blog. You have gained a follower. :)

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  2. I am very glad you enjoyed it! Thank you so much for the support. Posts like these always seem to reach the most people :)

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